Death Note : Abbreviated

Title : Death Note : Abbreviated

Subtitle One : Well, sort of abbreviated-ish

Subtitle Two : And very out-of-character

Subtitle Three : Blargh

Disclaimers:  I don’t own Death Note, but I freaking want L!!!  *Cough* Er, due to the popularity of my previous abbreviation of an anime (AKA, Naruto), I thought I’d do this one as well.  Warning, I’ve only seen the anime, never read the manga, and I’m doing this all from memory, so I’ll keep it as straight in my mind as I possibly can.  However, if I get something out of order, just… chalk it up to me being tired, okay?

Oh, and this doesn’t cover the WHOLE series, just the episodes I find important (AKA, until L… well, you know).  And this has spoilers in it!  So if you haven’t read it / seen the anime / both, don’t read it unless you want a spoiler!  I just feel obligated to say that.

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Light:  Hi!  I’m the anti-hero!  I’m too freaking smart for my own good and I have an evil streak!

Teacher:  Blah, blah, hard-to-understand-English, blah blah…

Light:  This place sucks.

Death Note:  WHEE!

Light:  What’s this?  A notebook that someone dropped.  From the roof.  Or higher.  Let’s pick it up!

Death Note:  I can kill people!

Light:  Can not.

Death Note:  Can too.

Light:  Fine, I’ll take you home with me.

Death Note:  Weirdo.

Mrs. Yagami:  Hello my perfect prodigy progeny who has an evil streak I’m unaware of!

Light:  I’ll pretend to resist the charms of the Death Note.  I’ll just lie here… Okay, enough resisting, let’s test it!

TV:  ZOMG!!  HOSTAGE SITUATION!

Light:  Okay, if you insist.

Hostage taker:  BLARGH!

Light:  Uh… coincidence.  Yeah, that’s it, coincidence.  I have cram school.

Teacher:  Cram.

Light:  That was fun.  Let’s go read colorful comics!

Girl:  EEK UGLY MEN!

Ugly Biker Dudes:  Bwahahaha!

Light:  Hah, it looks like I’m reading a girly comic but I’m really testing the Death Note again!

Death Note:  I kill you!

Girl:  I escape!

Head Ugly Biker Dude:  I chase you!

Semi Truck:  Honk!

Head Ugly Biker Dude:  Semi truck in the head!  BLARGH!

Biker Dudes:  ZOMG!  He drove in front of a truck, totally inauspiciously!  Weirdo!

Light:  Sweet.  Should I really be playing god with people’s lives?  …yes!  Yes, I should!

Various criminals:  BLARGH!

Ryuk:  BOO!

Light:  ZOMG!

Ryuk:  Mr. Yagami!  Surprised to see me?

Light:  Not ‘specially.  Weirdo.

Ryuk:  You can have the notebook.

Light:  YAY!

Ryuk: …if you give me, in exchange, YOUR IMMORTAL SOUL HAHAHAHAHAHA!

Light: …huh?

Ryuk:  Kidding.

Light:  Uh… okay.

Random people:  Yay Kira!  Kill everyone!

Light:  Obie-kaybie.

Decision-making People:  This is suspicious!

Random dude:  We must summon L!

Suspicious Trench-coat Man:  He’s been summoned!

Random dude:  I thought he only took non-boring cases!

Computerized L:  Are you kidding?  This is the perfect chance for me to test my new Illogical Logic way of thinking!  Of course I’ll help!

Decision-making People:  Yay!

Computerized L:  Of course, this is all Japan’s fault.

Mr. Yagami and Matsuda:  Is not!  Weirdo!

Computerized L:  Want a bet?

Convict:  I am L!

Light:  Haha, die!

Convict:  BLARGH!

Computerized TV L:  Hah!  That’s not me!  You can’t kill me, la la!

Light:  Dammit!

Computerized L:  Told you so.

Mr. Yagami and Matsuda:  Boo.

Mr. Yagami:  Let’s get Kira!

Police:  Yay!

Light:  Look, I can access tens of thousands of unlabeled police files!  How the hell do they find anything?  Weirdoes.

Computerized L:  Um… since I know everything, I thought you should know that Kira has access to police records.

Police:  ZOMG!

L:  Hmm… well, now that my thoughts can be conveniently heard by the viewing audience, I’ll reflect on my knowledge.  I’ll wield my mysterious power over the law enforcement agencies of the world and SIC THE FBI ON THEM!

FBI:  Stalk.

Ryuk:  You’re being stalked.

Light:  ZOMG!

Ray Penbar:  Stalk, stalk.

Light:  I know how I’ll take care of this!  I’ll go on a date!

Ray Penbar:  Hmm, the boy who’s never gone on a date before in his life is now meeting a girl to go to an amusement park, which is obviously not something he’s into!  Well, THAT’S not suspicious!

Random girl:  YAY!

Light:  Yay.

Bus:  Oh the wheels on the me go round and round…

Ray Penbar:  Stalk.

Bank robber:  YAY!  BUSJACKING!

People on the bus:  ZOMG!

Light:  I’ll do it!

Ray Penbar:  No, it’s dangerous!  Here, I’ll show my name to a complete stranger who is under suspicion of being Kira, which is WAY less dangerous, in order to prove that I’m capable of handling this!

Light:  Oh, if you insist.  Weirdo.

Paper in Light’s pocket:  Yay!  I’m free!  WHEE!

Bank robber:  A paper!  It must be a plot because I’m just that paranoid!  Oh, never mind, just date plans.

Ryuk:  Hi.

Bank robber:  ZOMG MONSTER!  I shoot at you!

Ryuk:  Ain’t gonna work!

Bank robber:  Stop the freaking bus!

Bus:  Stop!

Bank robber:  I jump in front of a car!

Light:  Well, that sucked.

Ray Penbar:  Don’t tell anyone I’m here!

Light:  Okay.

Ray Penbar:  Dash!

Light:  Mwaha!

Ryuk:  Now what?

Light: We wait!  Now we go to kill him!

Ray Penbar:  La la.

Light:  If I just put this hat on, no one will recognize me!

Ray Penbar:  Gasp!  Someone behind me!

Light:  I’m Kira!

Ray Penbar:  Double gasp!

Light:  I’ll kill the guy with the mop, see?

Mop guy:  BLARGH!

Light:  Now take this envelope and get on the train!

Ray Penbar:  Okay, okay.

Email:  Hi, Mr. Penbar!

Light:  Write down the names while thinking of their faces!

Ray Penbar:  Okay.  Weirdo.

Light:  I win!

Ray Penbar:  BLARGH!

Police:  WE ALL QUIT!

Mr. Yagami:  Crap.

Computerized L:  I trust you!  Come… meet me in my hotel… ha ha.  I’m not a pervert!

Police:  Here we are, in the hotel.

L:  Hi, I’m L, not the child molester I appear to be.

Police:  ZOMG!

L:  To better explain my plan, I shall write on the hotel furniture in permanent marker.

Police:  Uhh…?

L:  Justice will prevail!  L smile attack!

Police:  ZOMG!  KAWAII!!

Naomi:  I have deus ex machina-style suspicions about Kira!!

Light:  Crap!  Wanna go for a walk?

Naomi:  Uh… okay.

Light:  I tell you my name!

Naomi:  I tell you my alias!

Light:  What are your suspicions?

Naomi:  That Kira can kill by other means than a heart attack!

Light:  Crap!  I try to kill you!

Naomi:  La la la!

Light:  Damn!  It’s an alias!

Naomi:  Nice fountain, but let’s go back.

Light:  Uh… uh… I’m on the investigation team!

Naomi:  Oooh, cool!

Light:  So, tell me your real name.

Naomi:  Oh, fine it’s Naomi.

Light:  HAHAHA!

Naomi:  Sudden suicidal tendencies!

Light:  Bye bye!

L:  ZOMG!  Naomi’s dead!  She worked… under me… once.  I’m not a pervert!

Mr. Yagami:  What do we do?

L:  Well, I had the now-dead FBI stalking all of your families, but now I’m gonna concentrate on two.

Police:  ZOMG!

L:  So, I’m going to put cameras and sound bugs in your house… concentrating on your son’s room, Mr. Yagami… heh heh heh… I’m not a pervert!

Mr. Yagami:  You have to put them in the bathrooms, too!

L:  Heh heh heh heh heh heh heh…

Mr. Yagami: …weirdo.

Light:  Crap!  Cameras!  And someone’s been in my room!  That really breaks my lead!

Ryuk:  I want apples…

Light:  I’ll look at dirty magazines.  That’ll help.  Oop, dinner time.

Mrs. Yagami:  Food!

Light:  I’ll eat chips.

Sayu:  That’s not suspicious!

Light:  Mwahaha, I’m ambidextrous, so I’ll put a TV in the chips!  TAKE THAT!

L:  Well, he’s boring.

Ryuk:  I WANT APPLES!!!

L:  Fine, we’ll take the cameras out, I guess… damn.

Mr. Yagami: Uhhh…

L:  I’m not a pervert!

Mr. Yagami:  So does this mean you don’t think Light’s Kira anymore?

L:  Well, there’s a 10% chance of him being Kira.  Rather, a 5% chance.  Rather, a 5.34832532694343068327512% chance.

Mr. Yagami:  Crap.

L:  Don’t worry, I know exactly how to handle this!

Police:  How?!

L:  I’ll go to college!

Police:  But aren’t you, like, forty?

L:  NO!  Weirdoes!

Light:  Yay, college!  Taking an exam, taking an exam… la la…

L:  What?  Doesn’t EVERYONE put their feet on the desk like this?

Light:  All right, I read my speech like any good, perfect, non-Kira college freshman would!

L:  Ireadmyspeechlikeacomputerphilewithnosociallifeoncrack.

Girl:  I think the creepy one’s cute!

Other girl:  Weirdo.

L:  Guess what?

Light:  What?

L:  I’m L!

Light:  Holy shit on toast!  Is he?  Is he not?  Don’t look suspicious!  Oh, God, the dilated eyes stare!!

L:  I’m not following you!

Light:  What do you want?

L:  Um… tennis.

Light:  Uh… okay.

L:  Tennis!

Light:  Pwnage!

L:  Damn.

Light:  Let’s go get tea so I can ask you a completely unsuspicious, non-Kira question!

L:  Okie dokie.

Light:  Here we are, in the foliage corner.

L:  Right, so, no beating around the bush.  I think you might be Kira, and I have the notecards to prove it.

Light:  Holy crap!  Notecards!

L:  Do ya give up?

Light:  No!  Weirdo!

L:  Fine, be that way.

Second Kira:  I’m Kira!

Police:  Gasp!

L:  I’m gonna ask Light to help!

Mr. Yagami:  Does that mean you trust him?

L:  No.

Mr. Yagami:  Boo.

Light:  Yay, free ride!

L:  So, this is my hotel room…

Light:  It’s pink.

L:  And?

Light:  Nothing.  Weirdo.

L:  Right, anyway, so watch this tape.

Light:  ZOMG!  Another Kira that’s not me!  Uh, wait, no, can’t say that.  I’ll play dumb, and not make any comment, unless of course L tries the devious tactic of asking me a direct question about it.

L:  So, what did you think?

Light:  Well, so much for my plan.  Uh, I think there’s another Kira.  Yep, the real Kira would NEVER use that font.

L:  Hah!  So, we’ll make a tape from the real Kira, quote-unquote, and see if we can create a Trap of Doom!

Light:  Is this why he wanted me here?  ZOMG!  I’ve been had!

L:  Um, Light, any particular reason why this happens to say, ‘Die, L, die?’

Light:  Ha, ha, jovial fake laugh!  Not especially, it was just for giggles and snorts!

L:  Okay, I’ll just… take that part out, then.  Weirdo.

Light:  You do that.

Police Kira:  I’m Kira, you’re not!  Ha!

Misa:  OH GOODY!  Misa is filled with unrestrained fangirl joy!

Rem:  Uh… okay.

Misa:  Misa will make another tape!

Second Kira:  We will show each other our Shinigami to prove ourselves to each other!

L:  AAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!  Falling out of chairness!!

Police and Light:  Da fuck is wrong with you, Ryuuzaki?!

L:  SHINIGAMI NO WAI!!!

Light:  He brought up the Shinigami!  Stupid person!

L:  Uh… okay, we got a journal entry which will magically reveal the identity of the real Kira, the second Kira, and the location of my car keys.

Light:  Hey guys who weren’t my friends until this very moment!  This is my totally non-creepy and not older than me at all… uh… cousin!

Matsuda:  Howdy!

Light:  Let’s go for a walk!

Misa:  Misa sees him!  And he’s a hawt-TAY!

Rem:  If you say so.

Light:  Well, I didn’t see anyone.

Sayu:  HOLY CRAP!  Girl coming to see my brother!!

Misa:  Hi!!

Light:  Who the hell are you?!

Misa:  Misa has a Death Note.

Light:  Oh.  Okay.  You can come in, then.

Misa:  DATE ME!

Light:  No way, sister!

Misa:  Misa will give you Misa’s Death Note!!!

Light:  …fine!  C’mere, you!

Misa:  Unrestrained fangirl JOY!!

Light:  Kill L!

Rem:  Fine.  Now?

Light:  Yes!  No!  Yes no yes!!  No!  It would be suspicious… I’ll call you tomorrow.  Now get out of my house.

Rem:  Fine.  Weirdo.

L:  Hair… popcorn… hair… blood… poster… lettuce… condom… hair…. If I die tomorrow, Light’s Kira, okay?

Police:  OMGWTFBBQ!

L:  Yep.  More hair…

Light:  Well, can’t kill him now… But I’m sure Misa’s smart enough to stay undercover, ha ha irony…

Misa:  LIGHT!!!  FANGIRL TACKLE OF DEATH!

Light:  ZOMG!

Misa:  I luff you!

Light:  Go away!

L:  Hm, videos.

Light:  I’m not Kira!

L:  Good, because…

Light:  What?

L:  You’re my only fwiend!

Police:  That’s… sad.

Light:  Uh… uh… yeah, friend, sure, I’m your friend, yeah… Uh… uh… tennis?

L:  Weirdo.

Random girl:  I’m on a walk with LIGHT!

L:  Happy!  LIGHT!  Unhappy!  Hello.

Light:  Okay, chica, go away, I want to talk to him alone.

Random girl:  Fine… weirdo.

L:  Let’s go eat cake!

Light:  Oh, fine.

Misa:  MISA’S BACK!

Light:  Dammit.

L:  Ooooh, she’s hot… heh heh heh…

Light:  Weirdo!

Misa:  Pervert!

L:  I’m not a pervert!!

Misa:  MISA’S BUTT’S BEEN TOUCHED!

L:  Hah, I’ll catch the culprit!  I was actually just stealing your phone, but whatever!

Misa:  Misa has to go!  Farewell, my love!!

Light:  Uh… yeah, bye.  Uh, you go ahead.  I have to pee.

L:  Okay.  Can I come?

Light:  NO!  Weirdo!

L:  Damn.

Light:  Hah!  Now I’ll call her and find out Ryuuzaki’s real freaking name!!

L:  Hmm, the phone’s ringing.  It’s not mine, but I’ll answer it!

Light:  CRAP!  Well, she has another phone!

L:  Well, we’ve arrested her anyway.

Light:  ZOMG!

Misa:  Misa is uncomfortable.

Rem:  Bored, bored…

Police:  ZOMG!  BONDAGE!

L:  NO!  Weirdoes!

Light:  All right, here’s my really long scheme!

Ryuk and Rem:  Okay.

Light:  Now go away!

Rem:  Fine, be that way.

Light:  I think I might be Kira!

L:  No, you are Kira.

Light:  JAIL ME!

Mr. Yagami:  ME TOO!

L:  Hm… three people in jail under my constant observation… heh heh heh… I’m not a pervert!!

Misa:  KILL ME!

Rem:  Uh, no!  Weirdo!

Misa:  Fine, then… Misa doesn’t want your notebook anymore!  So there!

Rem:  Geez, rude humans.

Light:  I DISCARD IT!

Ryuk: …huh?

Light:  I SAID I discard it!

Ryuk:  Discard what?

Light:  THE FREAKING DEATH NOTE YOU RETARD!

Ryuk:  Ooooh, that.  Okay, bye.

Light:  Geez… dumbass.  Wait… what the hell am I doing here?  ZOMG!

L:  Hmm… an act.  I see right through it, because I’m L.  And I know everything.  As stated earlier.

Matsuda:  The killings have started again!

Police:  YAY!  No, wait, BOO!  No, wait… crap.

L:  Well, I won’t tell Light that.  I want to see what a nervous breakdown looks like.

Light and Misa:  WE’RE FREE!

Mr. Yagami:  I’m gonna kill you, Light!

Light: EEE!!

Mr. Yagami:  BANG!

Light:  BLARGH!

Mr. Yagami:  PSYCHE!

Light:  …oh.

L:  Well, fine, I guess you aren’t Kira.  Probably not, anyway.

Light:  Now what?

L:  Well, now we’re gonna be together 24 hours a day.

Misa:  Ew, pervert!

L:  I’m not a pervert!

Light:  These handcuffs have a really, REALLY long ass chain.

L:  Well, they were all I could get your father to agree to.

Light:  Weirdo!

L:  So, anyway, I’m building a place for us to do research.

Matsuda:  Where the hell is all this money coming from?!

L:  Um… a magical land of hope and wonder.  Stop saying words.

Police:  YAY!  A building!

Light:  So, um,  who’s doing all the killing now?

L:  Kira.  Weirdo.  Or maybe a third Kira.  I lost count.

Light:  I think it has something to do with the Yotsuba people!

Yotsuba people:  Nuh-huh!

Higuchi:  I’m not evil!

Namikawa:  Let’s kill someone!

Yotsuba people:  YAY!

Hatori:  You all make me nervous!

Matsuda:  I’m a manager!

Misa:  NO!  Misa will not kiss you!

Matsuda:  I want to prove that my character doesn’t suck!  I’m going to BREAK INTO YOTSUBA!

Yotsuba people:  Plot, plot.

Matsuda:  Gasp!  Maybe leaning on a door that opens inward WASN’T such a good idea!

Yotsuba people:  Who are you?!

Matsuda:  Uh… uh… DO YOU WANT AMANE MISA IN A COMMERCIAL?!

Hatori:  WTF?

Namikawa:  Weirdo.

Higuchi:  I should kill him!

Misa:  No!  Wait!  You come to Misa’s, we’ll have a party!

Yotsuba people:  YAY!

Girls:  GRODY!

L:  Okay, Matsuda, time to die.

Matsuda:  I can FLY!  Oof!  Yay, mattress!

Yotsuba people:  HOLY CRAP!  Dash!

L:  I look stupid with this helmet.

Light:  Yep.

Matsuda:  But I proved that one of them is Kira!

L:  Okay, fine, you don’t TOTALLY suck.

Matsuda:  Yay!

L:  So… Misa, go spy on them.

Light:  No, it’s dangerous!

Misa:  But Misa wants to do a commercial!

Light:  Oh, fine.

Misa:  Hi!

Yotsuba people:  Hi!

Misa:  So, like, Misa’s gotta pee.

Rem:  Hi.

Misa:  EEK!  A monster!

Rem:  Am not.  You’re the second Kira.

Misa:  Oh, all right!  Misa will take that with no explanation at all!

Higuchi:  Hah, she can’t see Rem behind me.

Misa:  So can Misa do it?

Yotsuba people:  Yes.

Misa:  YAY!

L:  Have fun?

Misa:  Yes!  Misa didn’t discover anything suspicious, such as Misa being the second Kira or anything like that.

L:  Well, that’s good.

Hatori:  By the way, I BLARGHed somewhere in there!  Just FYI!

Misa:  Misa made plans to meet some creepy old guys!

Light:  ZOMG!  That’s not good!

L:  Sure it is.

Light:  Weirdo!  Misa, you can’t do anything but the commercial, okay?

L:  Geez, why do you care, Light?

Light:  Um… I’m not sure, I guess it’s because my character has been completely re-written for this section of the story.

Misa:  Okay, fine, Misa will just go switch clothes in a hospital.  It’s stealthy!

Higuchi:  Hey, sexy!

Misa:  So!  Misa is the second Kira!

Higuchi:  Well, I’m Kira, so I’ll rape you in my car!

Misa:  ZOMG!

Higuchi:  Ha ha, not really.

Misa:  No, Misa will only marry Kira.

Higuchi:  I am Kira!

Misa:  You am not.

Higuchi:  I am too!

Misa:  Prove it!

Higuchi:  I can’t right now, stupid.

Misa:  Fine, be that way.

L:  Find out anything?

Misa:  Misa found the record button on her phone!!

L:  Oooh, nifty.  Let’s bug his car!

Mr. Yagami:  Ryuuzaki, what is it with you and bugging people?

L:  Heh heh heh heh heh heh…

Light:  Creepy.  Weirdo.

L:  I’m not a pervert!

Light:  Will you stop saying that?

L:  Well, I’m not.

Higuchi:  La, la, no idea that my car is bugged, la la.

L:  We’ll solve this by going on TV!

Police:  We will?

L:  Actually, no, just Matsuda.

Matsuda:  ZOMG!

L:  And then everything will work out all hunky-dory!

Matsuda:  I’m on TV, talking in a dumb, high-pitched chipmunk voice!

Namikawa:  Uh… Higuchi, watch TV.

Matsuda:  I know who Kira is!

Higuchi:  ZOMG!  I must kill!  MUST KILL!

L:  Weirdo.

Higuchi:  Rem!

Rem:  What?

Higuchi:  Nothing!  I just like saying Rem!

L:  Who’s Rem?

Light:  Beats me.

Misa:  Nervous laugh!

Higuchi:  I break into the agency!

L:  Now, let’s see how he commits these heinous crimes!

Higuchi:  Hah, write, write.

L: …that was boring.  Now, let’s see how he commits these heinous crimes!

Light:  He’s leaving.

L:  …uh…

Matsuda:  Blah, blah, blah, blah…

Higuchi:  ZOMG!  He’s not dead!  Uh… REM!

Rem:  You actually want something this time?

Higuchi:  I want to get the Eye Thingies!

L:  Eye Thingies?

Light:  Eye Thingies?

Misa:  Nervous laugh!

Rem:  Okay, fine.  Here.

Higuchi:  Now I go to watch videos!

L:  …this guy is seriously weird.

Light:  Said the child molester.

L:  NO!  Weirdo!

Higuchi:  Crap!  He’s not on the videos anymore!  Uh… to the station!

Station:  Hi!  I’m the station!

Higuchi:  No one here!  I’ve been HAD!

Mr. Yagami:  Yep, pretty much.

Higuchi:  SHOOT!

Mr. Yagami:  Oh, pain!

Higuchi:  Dash!

L:  I can fly a helicopter!

Light:  Whee!

Higuchi:  I kill a cop!

Cop:  BLARGH!

Police:  APPREHEND!

Higuchi:  Dammit.

L:  How’d you do it?

Higuchi:  Oh, fine, your intense interrogation has gotten to me.  It’s the notebook.

Mr. Yagami:  Ooh, pretty notebook… ZOMG MONSTER!!!

Rem:  Hi.

L:  Give me that, you big baby.

Rem:  Hi.

L:  SHINIGAMI NO WAI!!!!!

Light:  HAH!  I get my memories back!  MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!!

L:  Uh… are you okay?

Light:  Yep.

Higuchi:  BLARGH!!

L:  Hmm… suspicious!

Light:  Misa, go to the forest and dig!

Misa:  Yay!  Treasure hunt!

Ryuk:  I’m back and I want APPLES!!

Misa:  …CRAP!  Misa can’t remember the pervert’s-

L:  AM NOT!

Misa:  -real name!!  Um… take another half of Misa’s life, kay?

Ryuk:  Is that a good idea?

Misa:  No, but do it anyway!

Ryuk:  Obie-kaybie.  You did give me an apple, anyway.

Misa:  Yay, Misa can see special things!

Light:  Um… you do realize that was kinda pointless, don’t you?

Misa:  Well, shit.

L:  So, yeah, I’m back to being suspicious.

Light:  That’s okay!  I’ll get Rem to kill you!

Rem:  Screw you.

L:  But first, to go prance in the rain.

Light:  What are you doing?

L:  Huh?

Light:  WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!

L:  HUH?!

Light:  Damn.  Fine, I’ll go catch pneumonia with you…

L:  The bells!  Can’t you hear them?

Light:  No.  Weirdo.

L:  BELLS!

Light:  Uh… let’s go inside.

L:  Okay.  Here, I’ll towel you off with absolutely no perverted intentions whatsoever.  And a random foot massage.

Light:  You’re dripping on my foot!

L:  Right, but now to go back to my special monitors.

Matsuda:  Now what?

L:  I’m gonna test the Death Note!

Police:  ZOMG!

Watari:  BLARGH!

L:  ZOMG!

Light:  ZOMG!

Police:  ZOMG!

L:  SHINIGAMI NO WAI! Ack!  Weird echo-y line effect!

Light:  Gasp!  Can it be?

L:  Falling out-of-chairness again!

Light:  I catch you to pretend to be good!

L:  Eyes… failing… Light… has… creepy… child… molester… smile… hah… I… was… right… blargh…

98.2% of all Death Note Fans:  ZOMG!!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Light:  MWAHAHA!!!  I mean… uh… NO!!!!

98.2% of all Death Note Fans:  WE HATE YOU LIGHT!

Rem:  No one notices really but BLARGH!!!!!

Light:  YES!!  I have absolutely no rivals now!!

Near and Mello:  Want a bet?!

Light:  ZOMG!!!